Maybe You Should Audit This

I want to 
have your tongue
wrap around the reality
that maybe you could
grow to love me
and then holding me in the dark
would be for the sake
of hiding me from the heat of the light.
That sleeping by yourself
doesn’t feel right 
anymore
and you want me curled 
into your side.
And there’s something weird about
you being sweet and quickly
turning into sour
every time
right before you leave.
That good days are 
laced with second guessing
and part of me is screaming
none of it
will evolve into
love.

I know I am not
giving you your definition
of enough.

I’m an attention
whore out for
blood
and somehow 
it’s all rushing up and
above,
cheeks,
ears,
flushing down my neck,
your lips pressed to it
and my heart skips just a
small beat,
like a false hit of
tambourine.

I was telling her about
how his and I
was a connection
based off mentality.

Love,
I don’t even know
if you 
like
me.

This can’t be healthy.
But at least I’m not lonely.
Sorry,
I’m not easy.

Either way I’m getting my fix:
She says emotions only make a mess,
flip switch.
Lips on my lips,
I am shut off.
I’m allowing you to touch me
without first stating
without showing
without knowing
(if you ever will)
love me. 

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To the Girl Who Wakes Up to an Empty Mattress,

Know that sunlight
is your truest
most loyal
lover.

Know that when you stretch upon its rays
it will kiss your aching limbs
and caress the plains of your body
with the precision of Michelangelo
carving the David.

All those empty promises that were made 
to you the night before
will be forgotten
as the biggest star
spills over your counter tops,
putting rainbows
in your coffee.

Never put the light
of day in your friendzone.
Never waste your loving 
during the night.

Know the urgency of whatever
is cloaked in darkness
is meant in that moment,
so that is where it may stay.

Know that anything said in the light
cannot be sugar-coated, but instead
is full of sincere
and sweet truth.

Know that true love
making
acting
and saying
is in its purest form
when it satisfies all your
hungers.

Know that breakfast is best spent
with someone who is willing to hold you for three hours
after they’ve woken,
before finally rising from memory foam and down feathers; 
even if it’s three in the afternoon. 

Know that brightness
doesn’t necessarily
mean “blinding”.
Know that you deserved to be loved in the light
because someone as brilliant as you deserves to be seen. 

The Act of “Love” Making

Baby,
when Mommy and Daddy
kiss
don’t cover your eyes.

Watch Mommy rest her head against Daddy’s chest
as you stumble across the backyard.

Watch our fingers link 
as you fly down the slide.

Let me kiss your curls
and let him kiss your toes.

He’ll rock you to sleep
and I’ll lay you down,
before we fall together again,
waltzing to the sound of your breathing.

And every time he tells me, “We did good.”
And every time I reply, “Too good.”
Know that now this is how we say, 
“I love you.”

Know that the act of making
“love”
is not complete
until you are holding Love
in your arms.

Until Love’s cry is your alarm.
Until Love’s laugh
finds you swearing on your knees
you’ll never cause Love harm,
and whoever does,
won’t have knees to swear on.

Know that any display of affection
in your presence
is our way of paying penance
to your tangible essence—-

Know it’s okay to hold the one you love
in your arms lying across the grass in the park,
to kiss one another in the midst of cooking dinner,
and not just in the dark.

Know both boys and girls deserve love 
and you should never be afraid to show
your make-up.

Baby,
when Mommy and Daddy are fifty,
kissing in the street,
I have a feeling I’ll hear you say “thank you”
while others make faces.
I have a feeling you’ll be smiling and finally understand:
“That’s how Mommy and Daddy made me.”

Coffee Shop Thoughts

Come to me in the after light.
In the silence after the sun slinks
into sleep somewhere beyond the clouds.
I crave to hear the loud.

I want to know you in the pre glow.
When we are blanketed by darkness
in a bed of thieves who steal hearts and don’t want for money.
Kiss me like you need my company.

I want you like dawn wants to caress these grounds
and night wants to pillage our secrets.

I want you,
both lit 
and shadowed,
touched by morning,
bedded by dusk,
nothing more;
nothing less.

“God, save the Queen”

Thank you
for not finding me attractive.

Thank you 
for not liking me back.

Because honestly,
that is the greatest gift
I have gotten within this past year.

It is Christmas in July,
and like every “holiday”
your used-to-be presence fills my head.

This isn’t my letter of apology,
because I’m not sorry for what I said,
how I felt.
and if you,
or her
suffered from it.
Sometimes
you just gotta deal
with what’s in print,
and take what you will from it.

But tonight,
I don’t wanna say I need you.
I would just really appreciate 
if I could talk to you.
If you could look at me,
if some guy could
and not objectify
or wanna be the one
who captures my virginity.

I need someone
to tell me
that my passion is
more becoming
than the amount of clothes on my skin,
or the way that my lipstick perfectly
lines my lips.
I need you to be the one,
to tell me that waiting is not stupid,
that I have every right to hold on,
and that this one
and the next one
and the next one aren’t right.

I don’t need your approval,
but I’d appreciate it.
I’d appreciate if you could
scare the shit
out of him.
If you could play your role
of big brother
just to make sure
I’m not agreeing to anything
because it’s easier to give in.

I need to talk to somebody
who’s more interested in the 
words coming out of my lips
rather than kissing them.
I need someone who’ll ask me questions
because they’re actually interested
in more than just skin.

Mad props to Elizabeth for marrying
her country instead of a king;
this is why
it’s “God save the Queen”
not sack her.

Because in the end,
it’s matter of saving,
and don’t think 
pushing 
or bending will
mean it’s fixed.
It’s not broken,
just rather sealed. 
This what I like to call
“virgin appeal”.

Because to love 
is to respect
and not to inject.
If and when
I’m ready
(aka: married).

The truth comes to down to this:
I never questioned your intent,
because I knew you always respected me.
Just right now,
I could real use your support,
before I lose sight of why this one thing
holds so much meaning.