The Crying Your Body Rejects

Spoiler: in that last post…I lied

I’m lying in bed,
sick to my stomach,
13 days too early,
and right now,
the one thing I hate
the most
is not him,
but once again,
you.
And the one person
I need the most
but died a year ago
is also
you.

I have cried more today
over all sorts of things,
but it’s the image of you
that makes me nauseous.
It’s repeating the mantra:
We are dead
We are dead
We are dead

over an empty coffin
that still haunts—

I closed my eyes and saw your closed mouth smile again.

God,
why do you never take the right men?

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