Quiet Joy

You:
synonym for elation.
Cloud nine’s embrace.

With you,
I got myself so rattled
I couldn’t sleep,
and when I saw you
it was better than any
dream.

The hype,
is that I make you out
to be something
better than what you were.
I forget the ghosting
and the crap poetry
and I wonder what
you see when you
look at me.

Was I supposed to be a casual fling?

Was I supposed to want you back
without considering
the personal growth
and contrast three years can bring?

And I’m not saying
we’re meant to be.
Though there was a time
when I thought that.

I’m saying
every moment spent with you,
every text,
FaceTime,
adventure
left me on a personal high
and over the moon
happy.

I’m trying not to make you the standard.
I’m trying to accept that I can be full of
joy
without seeing you,
messaging you,
knowing you any better than before.

I’m trying to get rid of your memory.
Because when I remember
the heart speeding ecstasy of spending
a day with you,
I don’t realize the moments when I’m alone,
writing,
when you’re turned into yet another poem,
I look at what my life is
and I am happy.

Even without you knowing it.

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