So I haven’t just written to you guys in a while and I have a lot to say.
First off, I started this blog not even a year ago and the 70+ followers I have amazes me. I didn’t know people would like or relate to my writing and that’s such a huge blessing to me that people check back and comment and like things. I wanna have your feedback, I wanna touch your hearts and make you think.
I started this blog because my college advisor told me I had to get my work out there. Steve Almond, an author came to my university and spoke about writing in the process and made me figure “There’s no time like the present.” And here we are.
But honestly, I really want to be a novelist. So my first few entries are like journal logs and attempts at short stories, some I plan to work on in the future. (“Why Don’t Qs Fall in Love” will have more posts, so be sure to follow that tag if you’re into it). I wanted to share my passion with you guys; I wanted to branch out and try new things.
My boyfriend of almost three years dumped me.
Now prior to that, I had been writing stories and the like, but never really prose or poetry. I frankly (and maybe still do) sucked at it. I was more concerned with story ideas and writing to create a world, a feeling, romance. While I was in a relationship, I didn’t write or finish as much as I would’ve liked. I wrote stuff on here I wasn’t 100% passionate about, but considered even my bad work was my work and should be put out there.
I wrote stuff about him, about the beginning, middle-ish, and definitely the end of our relationship.
Some time in June, I had a dream about a male co-worker of mine and couldn’t get him out of my head. I didn’t know him well, but in the dream he defended me and kissed me. On June 27th, I wrote “Linger”. Little did I know this would be the beginning of my posts concerning him…
On August 26th, I wrote the first segment of “Heartbroken Hymns”. I had been dumped; I missed my ex, was still in love with him, and was crying myself to sleep.
After that, everything changed.
To be specific, it all changed on and forever after August 28th. (This day was probably the happiest day of my life at 19 [so far] and its memory is too sacred for me to completely post everything out, but I treasure it and the boy I spent it with.)
Because of this day, and many others like it, but not as phenomenal, I have 70 posts about another guy; a guy some might say I’m obsessed with (and I can’t exactly deny that.) Because of him, I have been writing bad prose and poetry, that you, dear reader, have liked and related to. After September 23rd, our friendship fizzled out; you, dear reader, have also read the aftermath of that…have read about how that made me feel.
But I want to thank you, whoever you are, for stumbling onto this blog. For putting up with my bad prose and poetry, for not always understanding, but being there anyway.
I can only imagine what you picture this guy out to be. Maybe you’ll do him more justice than my memory.
Since then, while there are still posts about him, as well as some about my ex (and his ex) and other trials and tribulations, I have taken back up writing for me. This can be seen in my poems that deal with my healing process (like “Phoenix”) and my more recent piece (my pride and joy) “Emma”: a letter of sorts to my future daughter. (Her companion, “Isaiah” didn’t get much recognition, but it is also a piece I’m very proud of.)
As stated before I’m planning to continue “Why Don’t Qs Fall in Love?” and have other short story projects (Excerpts, not Alter) in the workings of my mind that I plan to share with you.
I can’t promise that there won’t be any more bad poetry or prose, because after all, this blog has become my solace and ventilation all in one (as you can obviously see), but I hope my work inspires or touches you all, that is honestly my dream. I have post 71 ready in my mind; I’m missing what my ex and I had at exactly this time last year, these are thoughts I may or may not share in more detail.
I have let myself as a writer become more raw and less polite. (Don’t get me wrong though; there are some things I express, but never reveal because I feel those would cross a line [to the ‘public’s’ eye]; after all, he does still read my blog.) It has been liberating and exciting, I have grown so much, writing probably over 100 posts since June. I’m experimenting with my writing style and writing for me, and being my own worst critic. Yes, you may not all understand it, but some of this work is purely for my advantage. This is is my way of both holding on and letting go. Writing, for me, is how I heal.
My ex may still read. That “guy” knows who he is (and I don’t know if he still reads) and my poetry, prose, stories may still offend. But I’m learning that’s okay, accepting the change. I can’t let them hinder my happiness.
Thank you for sharing this journey so far with me. I hope we continue to travel along the same road in the future.
But do me a favor and let me know what you wanna see from me; talk to me, comment on my work both good and bad. I need and yearn to grow.
This is only the beginning, friends.
The best is yet to come.