Stay, just a little bit longer.

It is 12:07AM and I am
listening to Dion’s cover
of “Dream Lover” and
writing about graveyards.

Tell me in the future,
when I rake my fingers through my bangs,
have the pen behind my ear
and the desk light focused on the manuscript,
you’ll join me in the study,

Tell me
you’ll sing
“I want a dream lover,
so I don’t have to dream alone.”

Tell me
you’ll come up behind me,
kiss my head
and then retreat to the couch
that sits in my secluded space.

That you won’t leave
when the well is running low.
That you will stay when the ink
on the quill has dried.

Promise me
that you’ll stay
even if the writing’s dark,
even if Johnny Mathis fills the space
meant for shadows.

Promise me
you’ll stay when the ghost take over the pages
and the heads roll between the lines.

Love me
because even though I write death scenes
on nights like these,
when the music is happy
and my fingers are crying,

I’m a simple girl
who lives for fairytales
and wants her own happy ending.

I Fear the Ink’s Immortality

I’m out to dinner
with my father
talking about how I can talk to some guys
and he asks:
“Do you ever talk to them
about your poetry?”
And I shake my head like the answer is obvious,
laugh at the image of them caring before stating:
“Never.”

Because how do you explain
to someone that
when they smile in your direction
Vesuvius is erupting
and you are covered in lava?
That the way they breathe
is a lullaby
and when they pull away
you ache for the gentlest of touches
and though
neither of you are breathing heavy
you kiss their nose,
their forehead,
make sure
their pulse
is not tripping over itself
in order to form
your name in Morse Code beats.

How do you look someone in the eye
and say I hear your footsteps
like rain on a tin roof
and close my eyes;
fall into daydreams
when you come closer,
picture you holding me
tangled up in sheets
with rivers racing down the panes
of our future home?

How do I explain
that my heart
and all the shrapnel embedded in
its four chambers
are lying in wait
in your open palms
and though I never thought you were
one for cannibalism
I’m waiting for you to take a bite
and eat up my love?

How do I look across a table
at brown or blue
eyes and tell them
I’m drowning,
don’t send help,
don’t throw
life preserver
but do dive in?
Join me in this ocean
with my flushed cheeks
and your tide-like pull,
I am sinking
and wanting to spill all over you.

I date boys
who gets degrees in science
or who waste time
in high environments
and consider this
what I deserve.

I fear loving a writer
because who’s to say
I’ll turn against the light
and he won’t write about the curve
of my profile against a candle,
envying the very wax that drips
from the wick.

I wouldn’t know what to do with this.

Let alone how to talk about it.

So I keep my mouth shut,
smile coyly,
snarl sarcastic,
and laugh loudly
to fill the pit
that sits in my stomach
waiting for someone to find
beauty in the letters
that spill of my tongue
rather than the lips
that conceal it.

Update: Good Things

So guys,

As you may or may not know, I’m a staff writer on my university’s literary magazine club. It makes me so happy and I get to be in a community of people who love words and writing and creativity and who make me think. I get to read so many stories and poems and analyze and I’m in nirvana basically.

Anyhow, tonight we had a really late meeting to finish up our manuscript and another one of my pieces: Satellites, got in! The reason this is so important to me is that I wrote it, with no one in mind. I have other pieces inspired by Aaron: my ex, Kyle,
Zeke, Juan, Marshall even, people you, dear reader/follower may never know, but have read countless poems/prose about them. Yet, “Satellites” I wrote for me. “Emma” I wrote for me with no guy in mind or inspiring it and I find those pieces make me happier, those pieces have more of me and more heart in them because they are my voice, they are me experimenting.

I’m not saying these boys no longer inspire me, because they all do; some frequently, others I haven’t written about or referenced in months.
Heck, Kyle’s being blatantly mentioned and my “erotica” phase poems are mainly written with someone else in mind (“The Tangible Hunger”; “Adoration”) and though I actually love the idea of these poems, part of my soul holds onto who I was thinking of when typing it & why.

But I wanted to thank you for your constant support, your recent likes, and your addition to my follower count. You guys give me hope and motivation.
*I especially love comments ;)*
But I will keep doing this because it is what I love and interacting with others through words is my passion.

Thank you for taking time out of your day for me;

Over the moon,
Gabby

Ari & Tony: Pt. 2

Tony:

Don’t be naive and think I missed the look on Ari’s face when Kodi sidled close to me.

Raising my glass to my lips I looked at the gang from the corner of my eye. While Ari was fixated on Kodi and whatever staring-contest-with-underlying-meaning they were having, I looked at Casey, at Lake, even at Jeff. Casey had settled comfortably into Lake’s personal bubble, though her posture was somewhat rigid. Now their relationship wasn’t complicated. Casey was a laid-back guy, a smile always tugging on the corners of his mouth. He was the kind of guy you’d go out with to shoot pool or even the breeze, sit in comfortable silence. The only fallbacks were you had to listen to his radio station (country) and for once in your life, you’d play the grenade. Casey just had that way with people; girls instantly flocked to him and guys raised their glasses to him.

But Lake? Lake was a spitfire. You either loved her or you hated her and she didn’t give a rat’s ass about you either way. She was exuberant: always over the top and always an extreme. When she was happy to see you, her eyes would light up and she would smile so wide you thought her face might split in half. But when she was angry….just don’t get her angry, ok?
She was tightly wound, too. Witty, clever, and ready to attack which was fine and all for some, unless you hated confrontation.

Like Ari did. Regardless of whether or not it was with her, Ari hated fighting. She liked to keep her head down and blend in, content with life. The only time her shell cracked was when she was with the rest of the gang and if anybody made her open up…

“You sure you aren’t hungry?” Jeff asks, turning to face Ari so their foreheads are touching. She scoffs and pulls away, the glimmer of a smile dropping when she sees my fingers trailing lazily over Kodi’s shoulder. I pause, but she doesn’t notice, her attention turned back to Jeff. Her shoulders have slumped and she fidgets with the ends of her hair, a habit she does when she’s in need of distraction. “Positive.”

“Babydoll…” Jeff murmurs, placing two fingers under her chin and turning her to face him. She recoils. I smirk.

“Ahem.” Kodi coughs, looking up at me and then at where my eyes are. I feel her sit up and I move my arm out of the way.

“You know guys, I’d love to stay and continue this awkward silence thing we’re doing, but Tony and I actually have a job to get to and all so ya know…” Kodi states with a shrug.

Lake looks up then, turning a sharp glance at Kodi. Her perfectly shaped eyebrows are raised and her expression is one of mock scorn. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot the rest of us just loiter around and use saved up graduation money to pay the bills.”

Kodi rolls her eyes in exasperation and pulls on my wrist as we slide out of the booth. Shooting a glance over her shoulder she calls snarkily, “Put it on my tab, hun.”

I hear Lake call out a curse and then Darlene huff and storm toward our abandoned table. I let Kodi pull me out the door and the brisk fall breeze hits me like a slap to the face. She release me from her grip and begins to fiddle with a packet of cigarettes in the pocket of her cropped moto jacket. I pull the sleeves of my thermal down and watch as Kodi’s fingers tremble as she tries to flick open her lighter.

I sigh and take it from her freezing fingers. Flipping the Zippo open, Kodi leans forward and a flame dances on the end of her cigarette. Pulling back, she blows a thin line of smoke before removing the cigarette from between her lips. “Thanks.”

I shrug, placing the lighter into her free hand, curling her fingers around it. “Thought you quit.”

Kodi looks at me as she places the cig between her lips. “I could say the same to you.”

I take a step back and feel my brow furrow. Kodi places a hand on her hip, staring at me accusingly. “Wait what? Are you talking about Ari?”

Kodi just blinks, her long lashes lingering on her cheekbones for just a second longer than necessary. When she looks back up at me, she slowly pulls the cigarette  out from between her lips and exhales a line of smoke in my direction.

I grit my teeth together. “This has nothing to do with Ari, Kodi. This has to do with the fact that you and I—“

Kodi tosses her head back. “This has everything to do with Ari! Even when you’re banging me I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re picturing her in my place!”

“We hooked up once and you’re gonna–“

Kodi turns a sharp glare in my direction and I lock my hands behind my head. “You slept with me once. We hooked up for other things several times.”

“Kodi—“

“No.” She shakes her head and begins walking away from me. “Just no.”

“Dakota. Would you get your ass back over here?!”

She flips me the bird as she makes her way toward her car, tossing her cigarette to the side. 

I let out a yell in frustration and run after her. She pulls her keys out of her pocket as I come up behind her and grab her waist, turning her to face me. She blows more smoke in my face and I grab each side of her face. Her eyes are shining and she smirks at me, her gaze lingering on mine just long enough to show some flicker of emotion.

“Hey, hey.” She scoffs and a tear finally escapes. I press my forehead against hers and she shakes her head, her brown hair hitting the sides of my face. “Hey.” Kodi finally stops shaking her head and instead presses her small frame into mine until my arms have found their way around her and she is shaking and all I can think to say is, “I never once pictured her” over and over and I feel like I’m about to start shaking because part of that is true.

When Kodi finally pulls herself together, she pushes herself away from me, throws her shoulders back. Her hazel eyes meet mine and I give her a gentle smile, wiping my thumb against her cheek. She rolls her eyes. “We still have a shift to get to, ya know.”

“I know.” I shove my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels.

“You know, Tone, if you ever…I mean…” Her eyes have dropped and I tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me. “I know.” I murmur, “But don’t expect me to just because you want it.”

“Oh, I don’t always want it…” She scoffs, pulling back.

“Come on, Kodi.” I smirk. “It’s me we’re talking about here.”

She flips me the bird and then slides into the driver’s seat, turning on the ignition. “See your late ass at work, okay?”

I give her a salute and she shuts her door. I back away from her car as she pulls out of her spot and watch as she heads off down toward downtown.

I stand in the parking lot for a while. Staring at the space where I basically let myself get close to another girl I shouldn’t be bothering with. What Kodi and I had…well what we didn’t have was a relationship. Not like what Ari and I had at least. But Kodi was—Kodi is everything Ari never was and nothing was ever meant to happen, but one day we’re taking the trash out behind work and she makes some comment about how I good I looked and I make some comment right back and she’s squeezing my arm before walking away and I’m pulling her toward me and the next thing you know we’re making out next to a dumpster. Because we’re classy like that.

And everything that happened after that…

I turn away from the road, and pull my keys out of my pocket and head toward my car. As I look up I notice Casey is standing outside the diner watching me. I sigh, stopping in the middle of the parking lot. “How much did you see?”

Because whatever me and Kodi have, none of them knew about until just a few seconds ago. Whatever me and Ari had, to them, wasn’t technically over.

Casey’s gaze is unrelenting. “Enough.”

I run my hands back over my head and seethe between my teeth. Not meeting his gaze I ask, “And how much are you gonna tell her?”

He chuckles mirthlessly at that one. “That’s up to you, man.”

“Do you think she knows?”

Casey begins to open his mouth, but just then Lake exits the diner, her fingers flying across the keys on her phone. Looking up she spots me and her gaze flicks over to Casey. “I can tell I’m interrupting some type of moment. I’ll be at your car, kay?” Her eyes have flickered up to Casey’s. He looks away from me to gently smile down at her and I realize, that Casey’s hung up on Lake; for how long, I don’t know, but right then his eyes read more than just a friend. “Okay.”

She skips off and he turns back to look at me, coming down the sidewalk, away from the diner. He sighs, coming to a stop a few feet in front of me. “No, I don’t think she does.”

I let out a sigh of relief.

Casey raises his eyebrows. “You didn’t let me finish.” I meet his gaze and Casey’s expression is serious. “I don’t think she knows, but I also don’t think she cares.”

And just when he says that, Jeff exits the diner, holding open the door for Ari who’s laughing. Once she’s made her way outside, he slings an arm around her shoulders and heads off toward his car. He seems to forget I was the one who picked Ari up in the first place, but maybe he just assumes he’ll take her home because of my shift.

I look back at Casey who shrugs. “Can you blame her?”

And even though I glare at him, I watch Jeff open the passenger door for her. I watch as Ari slides in smiling. I watch Jeff go around his car and shoot me a look over his shoulder, a lop-sided smirk on his face. A look of pure smugness. Casey has walked away now and it’s just me standing there watch as the old sports’ car pulls out of the lot, 80’s classic rock blasting.

And as much as I don’t want Casey to be right and as much as I want to just think about Kodi, it’s Ari’s smiling face that lingers in my mind.

No; no, I can’t.

The 2nd Blog

As you may or may not know,

I have a tumblr.

One I have for recreational purposes: humor, fashion, teenage angst, weeping love poems, AHS fangirl-ing and so forth.

However, thanks to a darling girl by the name of Kali, I have also started a blog just of my writings. I am experimenting with my writing and while this blog has been a comfort to me, it is also, at times, too much like a journal entry. Which is not necessarily bad, because those are the entries that have touched lives and hearts and minds and I thank you for continuing to stand by my side.

I’m not even saying I’m not going to be writing anymore of prose or poetry of that kind because all those people I write about are still entangled in the beautiful mess that is my blessed life.

However, if you do NOT like those posts and just want to read my “writing for the sake of writing” pieces (both poetry and prose):
softspokeninkwells.tumblr.com

Check it out and feel free to follow me on either of those accounts.

I’ll still be posting on here, and I’ll try to be frequent; sometimes even post the same piece on both sites.

I am using my second blog as a sort of “mental health space”. That is the blog where I am experimenting and writing whatever the heck I want.

Love you all,

Gabby

Ari & Tony: Pt. 1

Ari:

“Sup, lover?” I ask, sliding into the booth next to Jeff. Him and the rest of the gang all sit in a circular booth in the corner of Elaine’s, a small diner on the outskirts of town.

When Jeff sees me, he beams, throwing an arm around my shoulders. “Babydoll,” He coos, kissing my temple. I shoot him a withering look and he just smirks, but I burrow into his side just the same. With my head against his collarbone, Jeff runs his fingers absentmindedly through the tips of my ponytail. Lifting his head, his eyes scan the doorway. “Where’s the boy—”

Just then, the bell at the top of the diner’s entrance dings. A guy wearing a gray beanie over his black hair, peers to the right then to the left where we sit. When his eyes meet mine, they’re hard. In three loping gates he stands at the foot of the table.

“Tonio!” One of the girls sitting sandwiched between Jeff and his friend, Casey squeals. She has a bleached blonde pixie cut and her brown eyes are thickly lined in black. The smile that she’s wearing at the sight of the guy almost splits her face in half.

“Hey Lake,” Tony murmurs, lifting his hand in a wave.

Lake hops up and down in her seat, motioning next to Casey. “Sit! Sit! We’re just waiting on Kodi.”

“Kay, kay.” He laughs, putting up his hands in surrender. His eyes wander back to where I’m seated next to Jeff. Sliding into the booth, he juts his chin at Jeff, teeth gritted. “Paws off.”

I roll my eyes and Jeff pulls away, sliding his hand underneath the table and squeezing my knee. I bite back a giggle as he widens his eyes at Tony. “Touchy.”

Tony doesn’t break eye contact with Jeff and Jeff moves his hand from my knee. I glare at Tony who settles back into the booth, crossing his arms over his chest, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “So Lake,” Jeff begins, shifting so not even his shoulder is touching mine. “What’s holding up Kodi?”

Lake rolls her eyes, dropping her chin into her palm and blowing her bangs up. “Stupid band practice.”

Casey actually cracks a smile at this, poking Lake in the ribs. She turns sharply to glare at him, but one look at those forrest green eyes and she melts. His sandy blonde bedhead sticks up all over the place and matched with the dimples in both of his cheeks, he looks like a kindergarten that just got away with mischief. “You’re just jealous ’cause Kodi is a shredder.”

Lake scoffs. “Am not!”

Casey rolls his eyes. “So are. It one of the things that makes her hot.  And girls like you, little spiteful pixies, tend to get angsty when someone is good at something they’re not.”

“Geez, Case. Way to lay it on soft,” Jeff laughs, rubbing Lake’s back.

Lake tilts her head to either side, cracking her neck, before sitting up. “He’s right, you know.” She glances at Casey over her shoulder. “I am a spiteful pixie.”

Casey laughs. “Aww, come on, Lake. You know we all think you’re pretty.”

Lake shoves him with her shoulder before twirling her straw in her milkshake. “Pssh. You think I’m freakin’ vixen and don’t think I don’t know it.”

Casey shakes his head before glancing over at me. He gives me a soft smile and then looks over at Tony who’s turned his focus back to the door. He clears his throat, albeit awkwardly, and juts his chin at me. “You guys thirsty?”

Jeff smacks his hand to his forehead. “How rude of me, not asking if my babydoll wants a drink.” He turns his blue eyes on me and I feel my heartbeat start to pick up. “I could use a chocolate milkshake,” I murmur, resting my chin on his shoulder and he raises his eyebrows at me.

“Lake,” He beckons, turning away from me, but sliding his hand down my leg again, making my breath hitch. When he hears it he grins, squeezing it gently. “Get Darlene for me.”

Lake shoots him a look before sticking two of her fingers in her mouth and whistling, “Yo, Ma!”

A heavier set woman with her blonde curls thrown up in messy bun turns to look in our direction. Pursing her lips, she begrudgingly makes her way toward our booth. Lake is beaming from ear to ear and Jeff is smirking, trailing his fingers up and down my leg then sideways. I’m sucking on my bottom lip, Casey is scratching the back of his neck embarrassed, and Tony is staring daggers at Jeff.

“Ya know, honey, it isn’t proper for you to be yellin’ Ma ‘cross a diner full of other patrons,” Darlene sighs, grabbing her pen from her hair.

“But Ma, since when have you ever known me to be proper?” Lake coos, batting her lashes.

“And what have I told you ’bout callin’ me ‘Ma’,” Darlene huffs, flipping through the pages on her notepad.

Lake shrugs, her smile faltering a bit. “You’re more of one to me than my own. What else is there to say?”

At this Darlene’s big blue eyes, a worn denim type of blue, grow sad.

Casey clears his throat again and Jeff shakes his head at Darlene. Sighing once more, Darlene turns her gaze to me. “What can I get’cha, sweetheart?”

“One chocolate shake, please,” I smile as Darlene scrawls my order down. Turning her gaze to Tony, she eyes him up and down before asking, “And the gentleman?”

“I don’t suppose you have a whiskey on the rocks?”

“And one, tall glass of water,” Darlene says firmly, staring sharply at Tony. Turning to me again, she smiles. “It’ll only take a second, honey.” And then she flounces off, a new found bounce in her step.

“Well speaking of tall glasses of water…” Jeff begins, his gaze focused on the girl who just entered the diner. A willowy girl, with cascading brunette waves, bites her lip anxiously surveying the patrons, but looking for one table in particular.  Lake cups her hands around her mouth and Casey slaps his hand across her mouth before she can open it. Lake mutters something that is garbled by Casey’s hand and he laughs.

“Someone lost?” Tony calls, looking over his shoulder at her.

The girl turns toward his voice and her face breaks out into a slow grin. I blink and notice a certain sway to her hips as she comes toward us. I blink again, and she sinking her teeth into the corner of her lip, but no longer seems anxious. Sliding into the booth, Kodi gets awfully close to Tony. “Hey, guys,” she says to all of us with a smile. “Sorry I’m late. Tori was in a mood and kept accusing Turner of clashing the cymbals too hard. But I mean we’re a punk band, so it’s only fitting–”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Lake interrupts, Casey’s arm now lazily around her shoulders. “What do you want to drink? Darlene’ll be back any second with their order.” She gestures at Tony and I with her head.

It’s the first time that Kodi seems to notice me at the table, and I catch her stiffen. I fight off the urge to smile. At least the girl has some shame. 

Ok, so it’s not like Tony and I are anything; not anymore. But she sure moved in on him pretty fast, honed in on him.

And as I am thinking these thoughts, Jeff picks the worst opportune moment to lean down and nibble on the lobe of my ear. I pull away laughing just as Darlene comes back with our drink order.

She hands Tony his water and then noticing my flushed face, she hands Jeff my drink. “Keep her in line, young man,” she says with a nod of her head at me, but she’s wearing a soft smile.

I pull my milkshake over to me as Jeff begins to twirl the tips of my ponytail once again, talking to Casey about some random game that was on the other night. Lake is intently examining her cuticles and Tony, for once, is not glaring at me. His arm rests on the booth behind Kodi’s head and his other hand holds his glass of ice water which he is almost finished; the cubes clinking noisily around the bottom.

As I take my first sip of my shake, I catch a pair of hazel eyes even with mine. What was a glimmer of shame only seconds ago, is now a spark of some type of fire. Dare I say a competitive spark of sorts. Scooting closer to Tony, so that his fingers are tracing lazy patterns on her shoulder, which I am sure he is acutely aware of, a slow smile begins to spread across her porcelain doll-like face. I slide away from Jeff, but not out of her gaze, which I realize a little too late, because she is now placing her order and jutting her chin at me, her smirk sinister and full of snark. “I’ll have whatever she’s having.”

Unless, of course, she’s already taken it.

Tony’s eyes don’t meet mine for the rest of the meal.

That last piece

Was inspired by its title song: “Sometime Around Midnight” by The Airborne Toxic Event and my unrelenting masochism.

But I’m writing this to tell you,
It’s a moment in time, not truly experienced by me. It is an image brought to a page, but maybe not to life.

It lacks my passion behind it.
I wrote it to possibly impress him (?)

But not for me.
So if you get something out of it, great.
But just know this,
I honest to God can’t relate.

It’s probably because I’m the one who usually gets kicked out.