I’m Not a Duck

It’s been a few days but
can you let me rest a bit?
I’ve been trying to be a well of joy,
but the rest aren’t diving into it.

I’m trying not be bitter,
trying to make the days shorter,
trying to understand
why I’m here amidst the thick
of these people
who haven’t got their lives
figured out yet—

and yes,
maybe I took a rain-check.
Maybe I let God be the ringmaster
so I wouldn’t have to take credit
for going nowhere.
For being stuck a week
before my 22nd and
knowing no one but
my family will help me celebrate
it.

And that’s really what it comes down to,
isn’t it?
That you’re trying to be friendly,
and end up being called
“fake”.
You’re trying to fill in your free time
with a plans that no one wants to make.
You have some kid
who tells you
you need to get guys
but yet he says
you can’t get guys
because, he says,
you’re not flirty
and you want to laugh,
but wait—
the smile covers up the pain.
You hide you’re face,
dig back into your job and
ask

can I rest now,
for just a little bit?
Can I take a break?